It's been kind of a bummer of a day. In church, I asked god to take away the anger and resentment and hurt I was feeling. The message was about LOVE; showing love to everyone even when they have hurt you. Sometimes that is one of the hardest lesson's! I want to cry out and ask why and demand answers. It wouldn't be nice of me or probably make me feel better either.
I was very hurt by friends because they chose to not invite me to a girls night. I am sure it was not intentional by some or that some even thought of including me. but the ones that did is what makes it hurt. I don't think that I was even supposed to know and wouldn't have had my mother in law not told me and probably assumed I already knew about. I would have loved to go and I could have gotten a babysitter easy since husband and oldest son were already out of town. The more I found out about it the more it makes me feel bad/sad. I know that there are other people left out too at times and it's not a good feeling. I especially like to participate when I can go alone and have good conversations with other women. I don't like wondering if I wasn't invited because of something that I did. I am good for more than just being a teacher or babysitting.
I don't like to go around and pretend that I am fine about it to the people that know. It turns me away from wanting to go there or be involved. I am praying about it. I want God to give me the desire to show his love and kindness even when I don't want too!